“Sleeping” Your Way Into Graduate School

Note the quotation marks around the first word in the title. They are there because the topic today is NOT how to stay in bed until late morning, snooze at the back of the lecture hall during classes, and still get into grad school.

Many college or university students enjoy getting to know certain professors on a personal level. It can have payoffs, such as providing opportunities for professional or academic mentoring. It can also be critically helpful for students who later need letters of recommendation to support applications to graduate school, for scholarships, or for job applications. A good rapport and significant interaction is necessary if someone is to get to know some of the important things about your character and personality.

Some professors are known for keeping a distance from their students, whereas others are more sociable. Students also vary along the same dimensions. There is nothing wrong with this variation, of course. There is no “right way” or “best policy” that should apply to all students and professors when it comes to the kinds of interpersonal relationships they should maintain – as long as there are no breaches of any student or faculty code of conduct, no laws are broken, no one abuses power or authority, or otherwise behaves unethically. College-aged students are adults, and so are their professors. It is not surprising, therefore, that some students and professors will occasionally find themselves in “adult situations”, which provide certain opportunities and temptations.

Whether or not either person’s behavior violates the abovementioned conditions for an acceptable relationship is not the issue I want to address. Instead, I want to comment on whether a student could conceivably use sexual charming to manipulate certain situations in a way that helps him or her get into graduate school.

"Sleeping" Your Way Into Graduate School

Frankly, I have no doubt that it can be done and it has been done many times. There are hundreds of thousands of college students out there and tens of thousands of professors. With such numbers, it’s safe to assume that some of those students engage in extreme flirting and even unabashed seduction of professors. There can be all sorts of motives (including love) but can sex actually be used as a tactic for getting a good reference letter, or even just a good grade?

Using such unscrupulous tactics to get ahead in the academic world fails in the vast majority of cases; in fact, it often backfires. I have seen it happen more than once. Not the successful attempt to get ahead by screwing the right person – I mean the destruction of a student’s chances of getting into grad school because of promiscuous behavior around professors. In each case, the student was not even trying to use sex to manipulate anything, such as a grade or a letter of recommendation, and there was no clearly unethical behavior by either professor or student. Still, the student’s reputation was trashed because other people either witnessed inappropriate behavior, or else heard gossip.

Some professors may be disdainful of colleagues who get involved romantically with students, but the truth is that there are usually no significant long-term consequences for a professor who engages in mild indiscretions, as long as he or she stays within certain ethical boundaries (never messing with your own students, for example).

For students who openly flirt with professors, on the other hand, the damage it causes to their reputation is usually severe and lasting. Some people might wonder whether the student manipulates people this way in order to gain some personal advantage; others just assume the student has bad judgment. Invariably, those students’ tarnished reputations overshadow any real academic or scholarly strengths they possess, so no one ever really gets a strong and positive impression. Without the respect and support of professors who know them, most students have little chance of receiving effective letters of recommendation and being accepted into a good graduate program.

The take-home message is: Licentious behavior can color a student’s reputation, which may be a significant problem when it comes to asking professors for letters of recommendation. My advice to students who like to flirt: You have too much to lose by playing promiscuous games with professors, so you really should limit that kind of thing to your fantasies.

Article is courtesy of Dave G. Mumby, Ph.D. : http://mygraduateschool.com/author.html

Image courtesy of Sarah G…’s : http://www.flickr.com/photos/dm-set/with/4069322681/

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